Supreme Court Job Application

While the #TrumpHotels CEO and manager is a failed casino owner/sham university founder/”very stable genius”, our humble webmaster is a mere local attorney and amateur satirist.

And with the news this week that Justice Anthony Kennedy is retiring from the United States Supreme Court, thus opening up a position that offers both lifelong security and the possibility of ruling on such foundational questions as whether tomatoes are vegetables or fruits*, he has chosen to submit his name for the job.

We will be sure to let you know the White House’s response as soon as he hears back from them. A negative reply will most likely be delivered via a staff-generated form letter. Whereas a very negative reply is more likely to be in the form of an irregularly-capitalized tweet that misspells Loren’s name and, if the President wrongly assumes Mr. Collins is female, makes some unnecessarily harsh comments about his imagined level of attractiveness.


*Nix v. Hedden, 149 U.S. 304 (1893). The Court unanimously held that they’re vegetables. This has never been overruled, and is still binding precedent.